The Golden Ages

School is out, the summer calendar is full, and lately I can't stop thinking about one thing.. What is it that we miss so much about summer?

This week I'm talking about 90s summers, Camp Nowhere, baseball games, childhood memories, and why I think we're living in what I like to call the golden ages right now.

The years we'll miss someday.

I also share a story about my mom, raising kids, and the realization that while we're busy managing schedules, camps, snacks, and sunscreen, our kids are simply remembering how summer felt.

Maybe the magic was never in perfect summers. Maybe it was just being fully there for them.

Follow Along

Transcript

0:00

Okay, you've got this. One, two, three, go. School's getting out this week. And I have found myself staring at our summer calendar. We have baseball camps, a couple trips in there. And somewhere between filling it out and figuring out who's going where, I was hit with this overwhelming feeling like, oh my gosh, this is their childhood. We are in the middle of it. And some of it has actually already passed for me. And I heard someone say with graduating kids last week, this is the summer of my kids. So I know this feeling does not end. I keep trying to figure out why I'm missing. Like, what am I missing about summer? So much is it because I miss being a kid? Is it because I miss when my kids were little? Or is it because my mom isn't here anymore and summer reminds me of all of it? Oh, what's up, guys? Welcome back to Navigating Between the Lines. My name is Maggie File. Thank you for being here. Okay, but this is serious. Have you guys seen the movie Heavyweights? Do you know what the one I'm talking about? It's with Ben Stiller. I like to think that I'm somebody who has watched a lot of movies and I have never seen this one. This was a couple weeks ago. It was Memorial Day weekend. We were at our friend's cottage. It was rainy. And we put on heavyweights. I, the kids loved it. I loved it. I laughed so hard. You know, when you watch a movie and whatever platform you're on, there's another one after, like in the queue. Well, it was Camp Nowhere came on, which I have watched that a million times. And then I think I was making lunch in the kitchen and Chloe comes in and she's like, Mom, this is the best movie ever. And I'm like, No, I know. But it's like you're living through your kids right now watching the same show. Like, is she feeling the same things that I felt when I was watching that show? But you know, school's out this week. I'd say I've heard mixed reviews. Some of my friends are like, 90 summer, here we go. We're gonna live to the ends of the earth and do all the things. I have other friends that are like, what am I supposed to do with these kids all summer? I think I would like to say I'm somewhere in the middle. You know, we still have baseball, we still have a sport schedule. Um, I've kind of been saying that for the last couple of years. I don't feel like summer really starts until like the middle of July for us, but that's besides the point. Do you remember summer when you were a kid? No, like I know you do. Just think about it for a second. I feel like everybody says I had the best summer ever, I had the best high school ever, I had the best college ever. But if you had a summer in the 90s, you know it was elite, like peak summer season. The days, do you remember how long the days felt? The days were so long. I grew up by the river and I was two houses down from my grandparents, and I would walk down to their house daily, multiple times a day. But I can vividly remember this, like in the spring and summertime when the tigers would play. My grandpa would listen. He watched every tiger's game and he would listen to the game so loudly, and the screen door was always open so I could hear it. But when I would walk by, I'd be like, Hey, grandpa, I would yell through the screen, like, what's the game? Or like, what's the score of the game? He would yell back, and then they had this giant panel window. So, you know, I'd be like going down to the dock and I would wave. Ugh, like I just that one is like the best memory ever. But to give you a further visual, so you had to walk down the steps, and there was this giant tree that had been fallen, you know, but it sticks out so you can like see the top. And a snapping turtle would sunbathe on it too. So the whole thing was like if you can make it down all the way to the end of the dock without bothering the turtle, like you you won. It was ended up being kind of a game between everybody. Like, oh, did you see the snapping turtle today? Just like the best beveries and a white bread, peanut butter and jelly. Are you kidding me? Like you cannot convince me that there's anything better than that with a Coke. Also, Grandma Marge would always put butter on her bread too. So it was like butter, peanut butter, jelly, white bread, and a cold canned Coke. Like, ugh, the best. I prefer a glass bottle now, but definitely a can of Coke. They always had Coke regular in the fridge, and it was just like that to me was just like peak summertime. I'm sure you have memories like that too, where you're thinking and it's bringing you back. Maybe it's when school gets out for the summer too, that I'm reminded again about how old these kids are getting. It's like another year older, they're going into a new grade. And it's kind of a revolving topic in our house right now because I just saw this graph and it showed how much time we spend with people throughout our lives. And what hit me wasn't the data. It wasn't like, oh, I was mind blown by this data. I'll share it on Instagram, navigating between the lines. I think it was just an eye-opener that right now is the most time that we're gonna be spending with our kids. Like ever. We get 18 summers with our kids. My point in telling you guys this is as mothers, as the parents right now, we are living in what I would call the golden ages. Like when they say, this is the time that you're always gonna want to come back to when you're 85 and thinking about when do I want to go back to? This is it. This is literally it. And I don't know how old your kids are, but for everybody with kids older than me, I they say the same things. We are living in the years that we are going to miss someday. And I really, I think I feel very passionately about this right now. Also, a little spoiler, if you haven't noticed, I'm very nostalgic this week and definitely getting into my feels. I was thinking back to like all the summertimes, all the memories, the traditions that we have as a family. Justin and I's anniversary is on July 6th. So that's coming up, 13 years. I was trying to think back to that because when the kids were little, I don't know exactly when this time started, but we would always be north for at some point in the summertime. We go up north a lot. But I was looking at photos and I was trying to go back to jog my memory specifically. Like I think it was always the 4th of July weekend. Our kids would always go north for the weekend. And my mom, she made this sign like it was so cute. It was like, welcome to summer camp. Nana and Papa's were so excited to welcome our favorite campers, William and Chloe. And I keep thinking about those when the kids were little and those traditions. I mean, William's 12, so he's doing different things. But that little piece of time when they would go up and just hang out, there was this one fourth. I was up with the kids solo and my friend Keely, you met her a couple of weeks ago on FaceTime in here. And she had three kids at the time. And she's like, Well, I'm gonna be up north too. And so we're trying to make a plan. And my mom's like, just bring them over, like, let's do it. And I remember her being so excited. She had all the S'More stuff. She had so many sparklers. I definitely know we were drinking like a white wine or rose or something. There was sandwiches being made and hot dogs and whatever the kids wanted, all the fruit. You know, there's five kids in between. So everybody wanted something different at that age. I mean, they were, I don't even remember. Oh, what year was that? Whatever the kids' ages were, one to whatever, but everybody wanted something different. And you guys, I don't even remember what I was stressed about, but I'm sure I was stressed about something. And you gotta remember like this is a two-bedroom house. Okay, there's kids and diapers, pull-ups. Chloe had a mini mouse bed. Do you remember? Like the car bed, and then there was like the mini mouse bed. That was a little bit of a situation because one kid wanted it and Chloe didn't want to give it up, but whatever. We handled that. The mini mouse bed did make it downstairs, which is really funny. But all I can think about right now is that feeling. Like, was it that it was a different time, or was it that my kids were little? Or was it like that it was so simple and no schedule and everyone's just going with the flow? I was working then, so I probably had that in the back of my mind. And I know I'm not in a set working schedule right now. So I know it's a little different when you're working full time. I actually just had this conversation with a couple girlfriends, and it's like, yeah, your Sundays or your weekends, they're for getting all the other stuff done, like laundry, the grocery shopping, the meal prepping, making sure all that's done. So I 100% get that. But you do have to find a way to combat all those things. I'm sure that's a whole nother podcast on how we do all these things, but all I know is that all the moms in my life, they are doing the most. I've always said that. And as it stands today, going into summer, we are still a very scheduled family. The files are booked. You know, I just did the calendar and it's like we get out of school and then it's immediately into this camp and then that camp. Boom, boom, boom, boom. And I don't want to complain about it because I signed the kids up for every single one of those things. And I really do think it's good for them to be busy. But what happened to the 90s summer now and then? Do you remember that movie? Like riding the bikes and just no cares in the world? What was the can't remember the narrative on that movie? But back in the version of summer, where everything just felt endless. No phones, no notifications, no emails to answer or delete. It was just long mornings to long afternoons to long nights, staring at the stars from your trampoline. Like I know you remember that. The smell of a grill. I know, I know I can grill now, but it's just all these little things that take you back to a certain time. And those days now that we turn on the sprinkler in the yard and the music is flowing through the house and onto the deck, and the kids are running in and out, and you know the wet grass that gets on their feet. It's always Chloe. She's like, no, no, just two seconds. I'm gonna run in. I gotta go to the bathroom. I'm gonna grab this bomb pop out of the freezer. Okay, Chloe, you do you, girl. But again, I'm like, what am I missing here? This is what I'm really into this week. Is it the feeling that I miss when the kids were little? Or is it the feeling that when I was little, or is it the whole thing? I'm really trying to figure that out. What if the reason we are romanticizing the 90s summer so much isn't because they were perfect? What if it's because we were actually fully there for them? When I say this has been occupying all of my mind space, I don't know if it's good or bad, but it does. I think it's just the time when we were kids, nobody could reach us. Nobody expected an immediate response. We weren't even taking photos of what was happening unless it was on one of those disposable ones that you would take to Walgreens and have to wait two weeks for it to get developed. I'm I'm finding myself stuck right now. I'm like 50% into I just like want to get off the grid and do the whole thing. And 50% like, well, this is the life that we're living right now. So how can I capture that feeling? It was my mom's birthday yesterday. She would have been 63. Insane, right? I can't believe that. It's hard for my mind to like take that in like 63, so young. And you never know how you're gonna feel on those days, like leading up to it. If you've experienced a great loss, I know you understand. If you have not, I hope you never have to experience it. Sometimes you push away the feelings ahead of time. You're like, I'm just gonna ignore that. I've gotta fill my schedule with other things. I'm not saying that's right or wrong. I'm just saying that's typically what I do. So I'm going about my day yesterday, having like a pretty level morning. And then it's just like a simple phone call. And there was a question about my mom, and it sent me into a whole spiral, just this huge wave of grief. Like, yeah, thank you for that reminder that yes, it is my mom's birthday. She died when she was 59 years old, and she would have been 63 today. And she's not fucking here, she's not here, there's nothing anybody can do about it. But it goes way beyond that. Like, if there's anything that I can drive home in the subject of grief, is that it's like the whole reminder that a birthday, Mother's Day, Christmas, any holidays, the day is more significant because it highlights all the things that she's missing or that I'm missing her here for it. For example, summer camp. Because while I'm sitting here worried about like sunscreen and the right snacks and whether everyone has enough activities, our kids are just gonna remember how summer felt to them. And honestly, I guess if I were to go back and answer my question earlier, like, do I miss being a kid? Well, of course I miss that time. But I think what I miss the most is being fully present into the day, waking up, you have no email, no notifications, nothing to respond to. You just get to get up and like options are endless, right? Like, what are we doing today? Because if you think about it, even if you are like an all notifications off type person, there's still things that you have to respond to. I'm thinking about the next thing before the current thing is even over. And I'm really annoyed by that. I'm annoyed by myself because if I feel that way as an adult, then why are we so quick to hand that same thing to our kids? And the biggest thing when I say our kids are just gonna remember how they felt in the summer, we are responsible for it. I'm responsible for all of it, you're responsible for all of it. The one who figures it out, like when someone says, No, we'll figure it out. Have you ever seen those reels? And it's like, not a big deal. We're gonna like handle it. And then it zooms to the person and they're going, I'm the one that handles it. That's us. That's the moms. We're the figure in outers. I'm like, it's me. Like when Justin says it to me, like, we'll figure out. I'm like, but but it's me. Like it's it's gonna be me. Anyway, I'll digress from that. I asked you guys what your favorite memories were from when you were a kid. And the answer is this is what you guys said. It's very simple. Swimming at grandma's, the freedom from a schedule, camping, ice cream, swimming and canoeing. And I love all that stuff. But think about it. It's really the simple things. Again, I want you to go back to when you were a kid. Both my parents worked when I was a kid. And, you know, what I remember about their jobs is I would call from the payphone to be like, hey, can I, you know, ride my bike over here? Can I do this? But I don't remember what they were stressed about, if they were stressed about anything or like getting home and like the dinner rush. I don't ever remember any of that being rushed. I just remember the lake days and the wavy lays at the beach to remember, they'd be like full of sand by the end when you were leaving. And then I remember going to ice cream all the time. I feel like we went to ice cream every day. I don't, I guess I don't know if we did or not, but I feel like we did. My mom used to spell I-C-E-C-R-E-A-M before I could spell and be like, we're gonna go. And then when I learned that's what it meant, I was like, we're gonna go get ice cream. Like literally sitting down to think about these things, that's what I remember. You guys, just like the endless days and the sunshining. And, you know, maybe I was bored sometimes, but being bored is really good. And I think that's what just takes me back. These are the things that I want to focus on really hard this summer. I usually go for the big things like can we go to Michigan adventure or can we do, you know, something fun like that. But you know, I just had somebody and she reminded me all her son wanted to do for the whole weekend was play baseball with her. Like anything that he could have done that weekend. He just wanted to play catch in the yard. And I'm saying this to myself, I just need to be conscious that it's really just the simple things. I'm certainly guilty of filling up the weekends. Like, this is an open weekend. Where do you want to go? What should we do? And I know there's still gonna be some filling up of a schedule, but the magic is in the simplicity. The middle of the day ice cream stop, because why not? More pasta salad. Do you make pasta salad? I need a good pasta salad recipe. I think I kind of have one. I never make it, but it's like the easiest thing. I always love it in the summer, like at a barbecue. I just pull it out of the fridge and eat it. The kids love it. I love it. I just want more of a like, hey, what are you doing right now? And yeah, just come over. House in whatever summer condition and more not rushing. Like I'm all for a little checklist for the kids in the summer on things that they gotta accomplish before they do stuff, you know, like take the trash out, make your bed, put your clothes away, water the plants, whatever you want to insert there 100%. But like sleep in, lounge around for a few. Because I think somewhere along the way, we all became really good at scheduling life instead of actually being in it. We all have responsibilities and those, I'm not discounting any of that. But outside of those, I'm really like needing all those summer feelings too. And if you think about it, as an adult, if you think of your last 10 summers, do you even remember anything that you were stressed about? I mean, I like I know my mom died in the summer of 2022, and that was like just always gonna be in my brain. But beyond like a traumatic experience, you know, do what do you remember? You remember how you felt. And our kids are experiencing the same thing right now. I'm probably gonna give O'William a can of Coke this summer, and you know what he's gonna do? He's gonna be like, You're the best mom ever. This is amazing. And I'm probably gonna bake brownies and cookies and do all that stuff that Chloe wants to do all day because why not? We're gonna make some more. So that's literally all my kids ask for right now. Hey, mom, can we go make some more? Okay, like, sure, let's do it. I could have 16 things going around in my brain. And if I remember what I remember about my parents, I don't remember that they had all this other stuff going on. I just remember like the ice cream trips and all that stuff. My point of saying all of that is our kids probably aren't paying attention to any of that stuff either. They can't see inside of our brains. They don't know any outside stresses that are happening or any of the stuff that we worry about on a daily basis. Life happens and we don't always know when we are in something. We're experiencing it, but we can't always, it's like hindsight's 2020, or we have the reflections when we're out of it. The thing I keep thinking about is we were like, the 90s summer is so elite. Our kids are living their childhood summers right now. They have like the 2020, 21, 22, whatever. You get it. They're gonna be like the 2020s. So when we think about all the 90s summer camp movies or just the movies that take us back, underneath the jokes and the nostalgia, they were always about friendship, belonging, freedom, confidence, awkwardness, adventure, and becoming yourself. That's what I want to chase this summer. And listen, guys, I'm not saying this from some preachy mountaintop. I had the notifications on at the pool this week. I rush dinner sometimes. I answer texts too fast. I convince myself that everything is urgent. Like I gotta answer now. The other night, Chloe asked if we could eat dinner on the deck. And my first thought wasn't yes. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that. But my first thought was all the things that I still had to do: the laundry, the dishes, this podcast, everything that was in my mind. I was already 10 steps ahead from the moment that we were actually in. Thankfully, I caught myself. I was like, of course we can have dinner on the deck. Like, thank you. And she set the table and did all the stuff for that. So it's a reminder for me too, because you know what happened when we were sitting out there? William finished, he did the dishes that night. I'm really trying to think if he's ever done the dishes unprompted. And then we all ate ice cream outside. And it was just like the best family night on a school night, unplanned. But had I not just taken an extra beat on that, I would have just rushed through it like I do everything else. So, okay, thanks for listening to me talk out loud again. You know what I gotta get? I gotta get a navigating between the lines on one of these. Anyway, we can reset the intentions every day. My intentions for the summer are to really like dial it back. I don't know if that's gonna happen, but I'm really gonna try to. If you have a busier day than scheduled and maybe rush through some of the moments, reset and try again tomorrow. And if you need me, I'm probably gonna be at a baseball game. I'm probably gonna be eating a grilled hot dog. Definitely gonna be trying to get a pasta salad recipe, trying to cancel all these scheduled activities that I did schedule. And most importantly, waiting for Verizon to finally send me that flip phone. All right, over and out.